enigmatic puzzle - Oh no! The mods are gone! (and Rand al'Thor, too!)

Dear Puzzling Users,

Oh dear, where start? I guessed it started with my feelings that the mods are way too overbearing. And then I realized, "Hey, I don't have to put up with this sh*. I can just get rid of them all!" So that's what I did: I kidnapped all your moderators plus Rand al'Thor just for kicks. Now, I get that I have to leave "clues" or whatever bull crud I have to put up with, so FINE! HERE ARE YOUR RUDDY CLUES Y'ALL! BUT I'LL SOON TAKE OVER ONCE I CAN GET THE MODS TO HAND OVER THEIR POWER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Have fun!!!!!!!!

Deusovi:

So the other day, my sis and I were playing poker. She's a notorious cheater though, so she decided to cheat by throwing some parsley at me. Yeah, I know. She's kinda dumb though. Anyhow, it landed on my eye, and in return, I landed a nice slap on her back. Didn't go well with my mom, though, when my sister started to wail, crying, "Whale!" Kinda random. Then my mom started going berserk saying, "Show me the card again! Show me the card again!" Then she said in a weird Southern accent that my sister was the winner! What the heck?

Oh you want Deusovi's location? Here: "Read and puncture the beginning, heart of a German man named Ing" (3, 7)

Rubio:

GPR:
Ontop of a very boring rainbow,
Lays Gentle Purple Rain.
He was like the 16 French kings:
Dead.
Oh the misery of his passing,

So clueless was he to wander so close to Rubio
And yet so far away, Ontop a very boring rainbow
Ontop of an entranced doorway,
On a very rainy day,
Laid Gentle Purple Rain,
Shivering in the rain.

Gareth:

^See edit note on the bottom^

Rand'AlThor:
You know me quite well, I hope,
After all, I warn you of the hags
By singing you a song.
And if the sky was clearer,
You could see the whole city from up here.
What am I?

Bet you could never figure out where they are. Ha! Rescuing them - that's funny. I'll see you later when I'm dictator of Puzzling SE

With Love,

North

Hint 1:

What's that hidden behind's Gareth's picture? What are hags? 16 French kings?

Hint 2:

Deusovi's is a giant wordplay and play-on-words. Also, every single mod besides Deusovi (because he's special) is in, on, below, around, at etc. a landmark. Regarding Rubio's — three of them are wordplay. If you can figure it out, the rest should become easier to deduce.

Hint 3:

In GPR's puzzles, there are only a few important key words to lead you into the answer.In Rand's riddle, everything is of pertinence.

Hint 4:

These are massive hints I am about to reveal:
Rubio's puzzle are puns on states or monuments/places found in those states.
Gareth's puzzle is anoter wordplay. Read the lines carefully, and almost attempt to take everything literally. Consider what the Reverse-Flash says about himself, and it should give you the location.
Rand is somewhere in Britain.

Parsley sounds a lot like this one place found in a bay somewhere mentioned in that ridiculous story. Just remove the l in parsley. The italisized give you indicators of homophones as discovered by one of the commentors.

Hint five: Several edits. A photo has been added to the Rubio's puzzle.

Deusovi is in Wales.
Reverse-Flash. Reverse flash. Reverse flash flash's name in reverse?
Hags ---> witches. Britain. Song. Tall building

---

Note: Don't worry about the CC. It was just an attempt at a practical joke — it was supposed to be answered as RED HERRING. Of course, the CC was not a very good one, and is not necessary to solve this puzzle by any means.

Edit: I'm really, really, sorry, fellow Puzzling SE. I for some reason, the image will not decode itself when imbeded into the question. There is some kind of mishap that happened, I am not quite sure how this happened. Please forgive me. In the meantime, the image that shoud've popped up when decoded should've been the Reverse-Flash picture.

Answer

Deusovi is

In Cardigan, Wales. I just swooped in and stole this from the hints and all of Strawman's work. "Card Again" -> Cardigan, "Whale" "wail" -> Wales. and the hint saying it's in Wales and not a monument.

Rand is probably

On Big Ben. Since it is in Britain, is tall sings a song "by chiming". The reference to witches is probably a warning about the witching hour. It is also one of the most well known monuments in Britain.

Gareth is

At Eastern Wall in Jerusalem Wally West in reverse is East(ern) Wall[y]

For Rubio is:

At the USS Utah memorial at Pearl Harbor.

Because:

1000 Canons = Grand Canyon Arizona
No place like home = Kansas
Penny Wood = Lincoln tree in Sequoia National park (Nevada) penny + sylvan = Pennsylvania
Frying pan = Rose Hill, North Carolina, home of the worlds largest frying pan? Alaska Oklahoma which is shaped like a big frying pan (thanks @thecoder16)
Should have left a virgin = West Virginia
Red is the new gold => El Dorado = city of gold => city of color = Colorado
Golden gate bridge is Red -> California (thanks @ffao)
Definitely a pyramid => Del operator + aware = Delaware. Very Mountain = Vermont Luxor Pyramid in Las Vegas, Nevada
Elephant Socks => Mass wearing Chausettes (french for socks) > Massachusetts.

 OK NV KS
 AZ WV PA
 ?? CA MA
 

As the discussion in the comments have seen, these States seem to be about US battleships. USS Okalahoma and USS Arizona were completely destroyed, Nevada, West Virginia, and California were damaged, Kansas and MA were not present, and PA was also not involved. The remaining destroyed battle ship is the USS Utah, so Rubio is at the USS Utah Memorial at Pearl Harbor.